Ever since I read The Courage to Be Disliked and The Courage to Be Happy, by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga — which I strongly recommend to anyone interested in the subject —, I became somewhat obsessed with the psychology of Alfred Adler.
Don't be fooled by the "self-help" titles: these are excellent books for learning a bit of psychology!
Rather than writing a review, I preferred to share a summary of Adler's ideas put together with the help of artificial intelligence. The text was written in simple language, accessible even to teenagers. As for the books themselves, the content is spectacular (and equally accessible, though more in-depth). The dialogue format can feel a bit slow-paced and even irritating at times, but they are excellent for anyone who wants to get acquainted with the core concepts of Adlerian psychology.
Of course, this post is no substitute for reading those books, let alone Adler's own writings or a proper psychology course — which is not my field. For those who want to go deeper, both titles are a great starting point. Either way, this text serves as a solid introduction to the subject, and it was revised to include the points I found most important after reading them.
I plan to expand this text soon with more examples from the books and from Adler's own writings, but for now I hope this first encounter proves useful!
The Psychology of Alfred Adler
Who Was Alfred Adler?
Alfred Adler (1870–1937) was an Austrian physician and psychologist whose ideas about human behavior were nothing short of revolutionary. He began his career working alongside Sigmund Freud, the famous founder of psychoanalysis, but soon disagreed on several key points and went on to develop his own theory, known as Individual Psychology.
Adler believed that human beings are far more than hidden instincts and buried desires — we are social creatures, driven by goals, always searching for our place in the world. For him, understanding a person means understanding how they relate to others and what they hope to achieve in life.
The Inferiority Complex
Have you ever felt that others are better than you? That everyone seems to know how to do something you don't, or that you simply "aren't good enough"? Adler called this the feeling of inferiority — and the great news is: everyone feels it!
Where does this feeling come from?
When we are born, we are completely dependent on adults. We cannot walk, talk, or feed ourselves. That early experience of being small, weak, and helpless leaves a mark on us. As we grow, we keep comparing ourselves to older, stronger, more experienced people — and this naturally produces the feeling of "I'm not there yet."
On top of that, difficult childhood experiences — being humiliated, dealing with health problems, being the youngest among older siblings — can intensify that feeling.
A everyday example
Imagine a 13-year-old boy who just transferred to a new school. He sees the other kids laughing, bonding, looking completely at ease. He thinks: "I'll never fit in here. They're all better than me." That's the feeling of inferiority in action.
When does it become a "complex"?
Adler makes an important distinction: the feeling of inferiority is normal and even healthy, because it motivates us to grow. But when it becomes so overwhelming that a person freezes up, avoids new challenges, or constantly puts themselves down, it turns into a genuine complex.
Someone with an inferiority complex may withdraw from groups, avoid speaking in public, give up easily, or genuinely believe they don't deserve good things.
The Positive Use of the Feeling of Inferiority
Here is one of the most original and optimistic aspects of Adler's thought: the feeling of inferiority is not a disease or a weakness — it is the primary engine of human development.
Adler observed that civilization itself was born from this feeling. Humans are biologically fragile compared to other animals — no claws, no speed, no fur against the cold. That very inferiority forced us to develop language, tools, cooperation, and science. In other words, our collective greatness was born precisely where we were most vulnerable.
The same principle applies at the individual level. When we feel that something is lacking, we face a choice: we can use that discomfort as a compass — a signal pointing toward where we need to grow. A student who feels ashamed of not understanding something can let that shame paralyze them, or let it drive them to study harder. The difference lies not in the feeling itself, but in the interpretation and response we choose.
Adler called this healthy movement compensation. He drew on concrete examples from his own life: as a child, he was frail and sickly, suffering from rickets, and nearly died twice. Rather than surrendering to that, he became a doctor — compensating for his experience of fragility by dedicating his entire life to health. Beethoven lost his hearing and composed some of his greatest works afterward. Demosthenes, the greatest orator of ancient Greece, stuttered as a child.
The secret of transformation
What turns the feeling of inferiority from poison into fuel comes down to two ingredients: courage — the willingness to face a challenge rather than flee from it — and social interest — the understanding that I am growing not just for myself, but to contribute to something larger.
The Superiority Complex
Have you ever met someone who constantly brags, thinks they're better than everyone, refuses to take criticism, and treats others as inferior? Adler called this behavior the superiority complex.
The big secret behind arrogance
Here comes the most surprising part of Adler's theory: the superiority complex is not the opposite of the inferiority complex — it is a disguise for the very same feeling.
A person who feels deeply inferior on the inside, but cannot bear to live with that pain, may construct an "armor" of arrogance. They begin acting as though they are superior to everyone so they never have to face how small they feel within.
An easy analogy
Picture a castle with towering walls. From the outside, it looks imposing and invincible. But if you could see inside, you'd discover that those walls exist because the person living there is terrified of being invaded — of feeling weak and exposed. Arrogance is the castle wall.
That is why Adler said: don't be angry at arrogant people — have compassion for them. Behind the grandiosity, there is usually someone in a great deal of pain.
The Engine of Life: The Striving for Superiority
Adler believed that human beings carry a powerful, natural drive: the desire to overcome difficulties and grow. He called this the striving for superiority — but be careful, this does not mean being better than others. It means being better than your former self.
When we use our feeling of inferiority as fuel to learn, practice, and improve, we are channeling this drive in a healthy way. A student who feels weak in math but decides to study harder is doing exactly that.
The Tasks of Life
Adler believed that every person, regardless of culture or era, faces three great universal challenges he called the tasks of life (Lebensaufgaben). The way someone approaches these tasks reveals a great deal about their lifestyle and their level of social interest.
1. The task of work
Finding a meaningful occupation that contributes to society. It is not simply about earning money, but about feeling that what you do matters to others. Those who flee this task tend to develop chronic laziness, procrastination, or a persistent sense that life has no meaning.
2. The task of friendship and social life
Building bonds of cooperation, friendship, and belonging with other people. For Adler, isolation is always a warning sign. The person who avoids close ties is usually protecting themselves from the risk of feeling inferior or rejected.
3. The task of love and intimate relationships
The ability to give oneself genuinely to another person, building a partnership of equality and cooperation. Adler saw true love as an act of courage, because it demands vulnerability.
The key point is that none of these tasks can be fulfilled in isolation — all of them require connection with others. That is why Adler said that every serious psychological failure is, at its core, a failure of social interest.
The Key to Happiness: Social Interest
For Adler, a person's mental health is measured by their capacity to connect with others and contribute to the community. He called this social interest (Gemeinschaftsgefühl).
According to him, happy and healthy people are not solely focused on themselves — they care about their family, friends, school, and society at large. When we feel part of something greater than ourselves, the feeling of inferiority naturally diminishes.
Those who close themselves off from the world, thinking only of themselves, tend to suffer more and to develop problematic behaviors.
The Lifestyle
Adler believed that each person develops, from childhood onward, a "lifestyle" — a kind of personal script about who they are, what the world is, and how they should act in it. This script is shaped by the experiences we go through and by the meaning we assign to them.
Adler did not prescribe a specific lifestyle for people to adopt — the concept is descriptive, not prescriptive. But he evaluated lifestyles according to a few key criteria:
- Oriented toward social interest or toward self-centeredness? A healthy lifestyle is geared toward cooperation and contribution.
- Based on realistic goals or rigid fictions? Adler spoke of a "guiding fiction" — the ultimate goal that directs a person's life. For some it is constructive; for others, it is an inflexible illusion.
- Flexible or rigid? A healthy lifestyle adapts to circumstances; a problematic one responds the same way every time, even when it isn't working.
The good news? Adler believed the lifestyle can be revised and changed. We are not prisoners of our past. With awareness and will, we can rewrite our script.
If Adler had to sum up the ideal lifestyle in a single question, it would be: "How can I be useful?" — not "How can I be better than others?" or "How can I avoid suffering?"
Putting It All Together
Adler's psychology teaches us some powerful lessons:
- Everyone feels inferior at some point — that is normal and human.
- The feeling of inferiority can motivate us to grow — or paralyze us, if it becomes a complex.
- When met with courage and social interest, the feeling of inferiority becomes the primary engine of development.
- Arrogance usually conceals deep insecurity.
- True self-improvement is about being better than you were — not better than others.
- We have three great tasks in life: work, friendship, and love — and all of them require connection with others.
- Connecting with people and contributing to the community is essential to happiness.
- We are not defined by our past — we can always change and grow.
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